really important stuff

bimbo maybe, but heart for sure

2008-06-20T10:43:00.003-04:00

I really feel that Pam Anderson deserves a lot more love than she gets. Obviously, she’s an easy target for jokes about (insert anything crude here), but the girl is actually a pretty awesome world citizen. Her support for PETA is well known – she’s been promoting their cause since before an environmental affiliation was pretty much mandatory for celebrities du jour. And she’s a Canadian export…

Some may say Pam is past her prime, but I’ve never seen her look sexier than riding a bike through traffic. (It’d be sexier if she wore a helmet!)

killing modern Darwinism

2008-06-10T10:17:00.002-04:00

So CBC served me up something nice to rant about today; transsexuals in sports. Specifically, a woman (who was born a man) wanting to compete in this year’s Olympics in women’s cycling.

In this case – about Kristen (formerly known as Chris) Worley – the gender issue is completely irrelevant. She’s saying that she deserves to be in the Olympics because she can meet the qualifying time. But she’s never competed in a qualifying event! “I can run 100m in 10 seconds flat. No, I’ve never raced, but just trust me. Take away the position of some other chick who has been training and racing her entire life, earned her position on the Olympic team through sanctioned qualifying events, and give it to me!” Honestly, I don’t know where this Kristen gets her sense of entitlement… So forget the argument about discrimination and breaking down barriers; try out or quit whining.

This situation will undoubtedly come up again, though, and I’ll be very interested to see what decisions are made. Kristen is arguing that there is no physical advantage for transitioned females. I think that’s bullshit, and any woman who lines up at the starting line next to a woman who has spent the first 25 years of her life in a man’s body building man muscles is going to think that’s bullshit too.

Anti-discrimination used to be “Treat all people equally”. Now, it’s “Treat all people equally, and some people more equally than others.” For real, that’s what I learned in HR. Am I the only person who thinks that, to an extent, society is too accommodating for personal differences?

“Years of oppression and a lack of opportunities”… blah blah blah. How about an elderly woman driving through a bus shelter and killing someone because taking away her license would be ageism? How about an autistic child being disruptive and violent to other students in a classroom because excluding him from the public school system would be unfair?

If you cut off your manmeat, you give up the opportunity to compete at the Olympics. You also give up the ability to pee standing up. Sacrifices come with all decisions, and I would hope that Kristen properly weighed the pros and cons before making this life-altering choice.

People need to focus on what they can do within their limitations. We’d all be a lot happier and a lot more productive if we’d develop our personal strengths, focus on our advantages instead of disadvantages, instead of wanting the world to roll over and change everything for us.

I'm taking my trash to Clive Doucet's house

2008-06-09T14:28:00.001-04:00

In a display of extreme backward thinking, Clive Doucet, the city councilor for the Glebe, has indicated that he will not allow recycling bins on Bank Street because “they take up so much room on the pavement”.

Are you for real?! How did this guy - who seems to be the ONLY person who did not get the international memos about global warming, environmental crisis, overflowing landfills and the need for better waste management and reduction – get elected and get the authority to make this decision? I would hope the residents of the Glebe would jump all over this and indicate to their representative that they are willing to share their sidewalk space with recycling bins.

Is it not grotesquely unfashionable for politicians to express these anti-environmentalist sentiments nowadays?

hockey & fashion are a natural fit...?

2008-05-28T12:21:00.004-04:00

Sean Avery, professional hockey player/jackass, got an internship with Vogue! VOGUE! Are you KIDDING me?! I can't decide if I'm more angry, jealous or just confused. I suppose Anna Wintour wasn't aware of his on-ice antics, because they surely would not transfer well - I can just picture him stabbing someone with a 6 inch stilletto, uttering racial slurs at Naomi Campbell... Or maybe she sees in him the opportunity to bring high-fashion to the Canadian hockey fan...? Well the plaid on the Jean Paul Gautier runway isn't quite like the plaid on Don Cherry's blazers, and I can't picture the men in Saskatchewan switching in their double-denim Canadian "tuxedos" for Dolco & Gabbana.

A google photo search did suggest the guy's got a decent fashion sense, but it's hard to look bad when you've got arm candy like Elisha Cuthbert. I've got to assume that this is his way to access more ridiculously good looking women that are by all appearances way out of his league.

By the way, anyone remember the Take That video "Back for Good"? Where Robbie Williams is dancing in the rain, with his fur ear-flap hat and trenchcoat? I really feel that Avery was channeling that particular 1990s boy-band style for this look...

2008-05-27T15:31:00.002-04:00

I periodically like to flatter myself by thinking that I'm intelligent enough to blog about things more important than celebrity gossip. But I find that news stories today fall into one of three categories; 1) things that are too depressing to blog about, 2) things that are way over my head, or 3) celebrity gossip, classified as "entertainment news". As one of my primary interests is making fun of people, I usually end up putting way too much energy towards the third category.

However, there were a few news pieces today with promising environmental news - something that gives me more feel-good vibes than the "celebrity don'ts" sections:

1) From the environmental armageddon that is the USA, CNN is reporting a record decline in driving. Americans drove 11 billion fewer miles in March 2008 than they did in March 2007. This probably has a lot more to do with gas prices than environmental concern, but positive results regardless.

2) The LCBO is going to stop providing plastic bags to customers. Before you whine about it and tell me the plastic bags are recylable, let me provide you with an overload of information that only an idiot would argue against (Chris, go ahead):

The LCBO is still going to provide paper bags and cardboard boxes, so you can still be a boozehound and buy more than you can carry in your two hands.
The manufacturing of plastic bags uses 4% of our oil supply - oh, are we short on that non-renewable natural resource?!
Only 1-3% of plastic bags are actually recycled (putting recyclable items in recycling containers seems to be unfathomably difficult for some people)
Beer comes in boxes with handles.
If you used those plastic bags to pick up doggie poop, Home Depot now supplies biodegradable bags for that.

CBC has a pretty interesting and informative "in depth" look at plastic bags that you can check out if you're still cynical. Also, one of my comments got featured in the LCBO article, so I'm feeling pretty special about that!

when you run out of male low-lifes to date...

2008-05-27T12:25:00.002-04:00

Now that Lindsay Lohan is engaged to DJ Samantha Ronson, hopefully the world can put an end some of those ridiculous rumours. Do I mean those rumours that Lindsay Lohan is a whore? Oh no no, not those rumours – I have no doubt that those stand true. I mean the rumours that hot lesbian couples exist. They don’t. And if you boys are getting all hot and bothered by this latest celebrity coupling news, please see the inserted photo as evidence.

Please note that I love Ellen and Portia. They both have abundances of charm and I think they’re fantastic. But I don’t think there are pictures of them smattered on 14 year old boys’ walls. And I don’t think there will be any male bedroom fantasies about LiLo and saMANtha either.

I love how LiLo packs more drama into a week than a year of bad reality tv. And I love how Wilmer Valderama turned out to be the high point of her dating career.

I still support the skinny

2008-05-16T12:53:00.004-04:00

I'm currently in the disappointing, anti-climatic aftermath that always happens after a cycle of America's Next Top Model finishes. The girl I want to win never wins. This season was especially disappointing because I was SURE the girl I wanted to win (Anya) was actually going to win. Like 100% sure, no doubt in my mind... Well, no doubt until the editing of the final episode clearly implied that the plus-sized, snooty and posey biatch Whitney was going to win - What? Oh my God, like, I know! She of the "my face is, like, my best feature!" comment. Ugh. Doe-eyed Anya was so much more endearing and deserving. Deserving doesn't always win, but endearing often does.

The upside of course is that a plus-sized model finally won - it is Cycle 10 afterall, and about time Tyra represented what is now her own (I mean plus-sized, not crazy ladies). And Whitney's all like "You know I've got cuuuurves, and I'm a real girl!". Well, in this picture, she ain't as curvy, but she's still doing that "mmm hmm" valley girl face that we've seen so much of.

Phfff. So, turns out, Whitney used to be a skinny bitch. She fell off the celery and rice-cakes wagon and decided to accept the label plus-sized cause she couldn't make it as a skeletor. I'm all for real body types, but models are uspposed to be mannequins that represent an ideal. Representation of body types in movies and on tv? I'm all for it. Representation of all body types on the runway? Forget it. Give me a non-fat sugar-free latte and show me the young, skinny, pretty little things.

If they're gonna try to redefine the modelling industry - which is not going to happen - why not include some short girls next season too? Heck, let's put in some ugly chicks as well. And some more skin diseases, like Cycle 4 Michelle. Why do models have to be tall, pretty and free of flesh-eating disease? That's just not fair. Let's see real girls!

Oh, and next season on American Idol, let's some hear some mroe "real" voices. Why should only the talented singers get to be contestants? Oh, because it's a SINGING competition, for good SINGERS. Kind of like how America's Next Top Model is a MODELING competition, for tall, skinny and pretty MODELS.

Just checking.

we're not as good as we think we are

2008-05-13T12:35:00.002-04:00

Like everyone else, I've been following the Democratic Primaries in the States. I'm on Team Obama. This is the first election I can think of (and perhaps that's because I'm only 24) where you really need to have a side, or at least an opinion. It's not really favourable to not have an opinion on the matter. I mean, how can one not jump at the opportunity to pledge allegiance to either the potential first black American president, or the potential first female American president?

It is obviously disappointing that, in 2008, it is such a big deal that a black and/or female candidate is in contention for the presidency of the world's leading superpower. This should have already happened, at least 30 years ago and then several times over; it shouldn't be such an anomaly. Obviously, it's fantastic that the Democratic leadership race has generated a renewed interest in politics (Michael Moore is wishing he came up with this). In a country where (something like) 2% of the people control 80% of the wealth, minority representation is long overdue.

Forget the Americans (I'm not a huge fan of them anyway); how does this reflect upon Canada? It was recently announced that Caucasians are now statistically a minority in Toronto. There are more women in Canada than there are men. Name two significant female politicians in our recent history? I'm embarassed to say I can only come up with Kim Campbell (Prime Minister for 5 minutes in 1994?) and Belinda Stronach (she was politician, but I only know that because she dated Tie Domi). And name a signficant visible minority politician? Unfortunately, I can't. That's embarassing for me and my country.

Oh, you want me to say Michaelle Jean, because she is both a visible minority and a female? Bullshit - I have no idea what the Governor General even does. Queen's representative? What does that even mean? Men wink behind her back as she signs the dotted line. Of course it's easy to put a women in diplomatic positions - we lack the testosterone that makes recordings from the House of Commons sound like they were recorded at an Irish pub. But the actual influence of the Governor General is questionable.

Blaming old white men is boring; women and visible minorities need to help themselves. Even the Americans have beat us to it. It's a truly sad commentary on a country that prides itself on multiculturalism and diversity.

Zelda forest nypmh does Hollywood

2008-05-13T12:21:00.003-04:00

Usually, I heart SJP. I even just like saying SJP (even if my boyfriend makes fun of me - I think it just makes me nostalgic for the days of JTT). When it comes to fashion, SJP can do no wrong - even when she does wrong. She is as big as an actress can be with no (straight) male fan following whatsoever, so she is deserving of my admiration.

Well, SJP has betrayed me and the rest of her loyal fashion followers. Not only did she wear a dress in crayola shade "puke green" - which is a forgiveable fashion folly, for those keeping score - but she topped it off with a.... hat? Is that a hat? I guess so, but the thing is God-awful. And no points for matching the feather detail on the hat to the feather detail on the dress.

I was hoping that SJP's Sex and the City red carpet appearances were going to be as good as Gwyneth's return for Iron Man (amazing - google it). But with the exception of the layered long chain necklaces, I've been pretty darn disappointed thus far... I will obviously continue to follow and update on this breaking story (single tear).

"think of bicycles as rideable art that can just about save the world"

2008-05-09T13:45:00.001-04:00

I have undoubtedly been a contributor to the current environmental crisis that the world is facing. I could count the number of times I’ve used OC Transpo on one hand and I’ve been guilty of driving just down the block to run trivial errands. But I’ve seen the error of my ways and am trying my best to make small yet significant changes in my lifestyle for the sake of the environment.

I’m being more conscious of my energy use, turning off lights and electronics when I am not using them. I’m reusing paper for notes before I recycle it. I’m hanging more of my clothes to dry, instead of putting them in the dryer (this is also because I’m too cheap to pay the coin-operated machines).

The most significant change that I’ve made is busing or biking to and from work. Due to my experience with both modes of transportation, I’ve only biked or bused from work so far – I haven’t yet mastered the timing enough to be confident I’ll arrive to work on time and sweat-free. But I’ve been carpooling (with my bike), so that’s still an improvement.

As much as I wish more people would bike or bus to work, I know that these modes of transit just will not work for everyone. And as much as I hope that everyone will feel passionate about changing our high-consumption lifestyles and lessening our dependency on oil and gas, I know that it’s an unreasonable expectation. (I also wish people would stop being fat, but that doesn’t seem to be happening either…)

I’m not a strong biker, and my legs burn a bit, but I’ve been enjoying the rides thus far. It only takes me between 30 – 40 minutes. Really, it’s saving time, because I don’t have to go for a run when I get home (after sitting in rush hour traffic for an hour). My plea is not that we all hop on our bikes; rather, I simply ask that you not run over those who are making an environmentally responsible decision by biking to and from work. Everyday I face the dilemma at Colonel By – bike path or road. I inevitably stay on the road – large groups of pedestrians and dogs on leashes make the bike path seem really treacherous. But cars are completely oblivious to the presence of bikers on the road! They hug the curb so I can’t get by when they’re stopped in traffic, or they swerve while they play with their Crackberries…

You know, I’ve heard the pleas from bikers before and was entirely unsympathetic to their cause. I know bikers can be a pain in the ass – we switch from sidewalk to road, cut in front when cars are parked on the side of the road, etc. But now I realize that bikers’ annoyances result from their having no place to ride, the annoyances are their accommodations for the poor road conditions that exist for them.

Basically, to sum up my frustrations, please look out for bikers on the road. They just want to save some gas money, do their part to save the world, and not get as fat as you fatties in your cars.

No more sex with Sue

2008-05-07T14:30:00.000-04:00

Sue Johansson’s (aka Sex with Sue) “Talk Sex” television show is ending after 6 years. The only reason that this is news to me is because I was completely unaware that she was still on tv. I didn’t even know she was still alive. It really is amazing that, at age 77, she was still taking calls and giving out sex tips. God help the people who stayed up until 1 am to call a 77 year old lady for sex advice. Actually, God wouldn’t be the best one to help those people… Still, how qualified was Sue to still be doling out advice anyway, assuming that she hasn’t gotten much in at least 30 years. The other option is that she has been having sex in the past 30 years, with a heavy dose of anti-arthritic medication and Viagra for her counterpart. That option is even more frightening.

I actually saw Sue speak at my university in first year. The visual provided by a 70 something lady holding a dildo likely stopped the spread of many STDs by scaring people into abstinence.

Dina Lohan does T-Rex impression

2008-05-07T12:06:00.001-04:00

Is anyone still wondering how Lindsay Lohan ended up being such a mess? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and when that tree is an attention-seeking, child-pimping idiot like Dina, things are not looking good. I should really add a caution to this picture of Dino because it will haunt you in your dreams. (It was taken at a recent event where she received a parenting award - "Long Island Top Mom". Slim pickings in New York. )

Not that LiLo is much of a looker now-a-days; she's either been tanning too much or she has leprosy. (You can criticize me and say "You wouldn't look very good in your jail mug shot either!" but I don't have a jail mug shot. So there.)

I can't support the resurrection of shoulder pads

2008-05-07T11:21:00.000-04:00

Ever notice how the mannequins in the stores always look so damn good in the clothes? For example, I go into GAP yesterday, see (what appears to be) an awesome sweater on a mannequin. Then I put this sweater on and it looks like crap. It’s not an awesome sweater, it’s not even a “just okay” sweater… But the mannequin works it.

Anyway, the point of this is, mannequins seldom look bad. So why and how did Victoria Beckham (who is obviously an automated, somewhat life-like mannequin/robot, probably designed by the Japanese) manage to look like a newlywed Morticia Addams this week? I’m all for vintage, but only when it’s like 1950’s Audrey Hepburn-ish vintage. Not 1989 “vintage”. Less than 20 years is not vintage – it’s just an old dress! At least she didn’t smile for the cameras – I get all freaked out when I see robots smile. They have yet to master the display of humanistic emotions.

I wish all Chinese things were as good as their food

2008-05-07T11:20:00.000-04:00

China is hosting the Olympics this summer. In honour of this momentous event for their country, I’m going to discuss Reason # 307 (or something… I lost count after the first 200 reasons) why China should not be hosting the Olympics – or at least why all self-respecting countries should not attend. I know, I know, athletes have been training their entire lives for this moment, a moment where they can compete against other well-funded and well-supported athletes in significant events. Like discus, and ballroom dancing. And that gymnastics where they twist the string around. That is clearly more important than countries of significant international influence pressuring China to bring basic human rights to Tibetans by abstaining from what China hopes to be their coming-out party.

Right, so back to Reason # 307: Hand-foot-mouth disease - aka the SARS of 2008. Ok, not really. But the Chinese have shown a blatant disregard for human health, or even human life, by trying to keep the whole outbreak under wraps. Why would they try to cover up the presence of a virus that has infected almost 16,000 people and killed 28 children? They don’t want the rest of the world to be afraid of coming to China for the Olympics. Because if people go to China, and DIE from hand-foot-mouth disease, that won’t at all hinder their ability to enjoy the festivities. Oh, and apparently, little Chinese meteorologists are going to shoot rockets into clouds to try to prevent rain from falling on the opening ceremonies. Yup, rockets in clouds. Just more examples of the Chinese having their priorities all effed up. (Millions of hungry, impoverished people to feed? Forget them; we’re going to fund a full-time national curling team.)

Due to popular demand from my only fan...

2008-05-07T11:19:00.000-04:00

... I have decided to resurrect my blog. Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out how to get into my old blog account (http://nortaw.blogspot.com) so I’ve decided to (read: had to) start a new one. And the new address shouldn’t be as difficult to remember as a 6-letter acronym. I now strongly believe that acronyms shouldn’t exceed 3 letters unless they spell an actual word.

So happy birthday lone fan! I hope the fruits of my boredom will serve to alleviate yours.

And I’m not trying to be cool by adding the “-sky” to my name; “swatt” wasn’t available. Ok, I’m just trying to be cool. You can judge me.

s-m-r-t blonde moment

2008-05-07T09:37:00.000-04:00

So I was going to resurrect my blog (this blog), and couldn't figure out what password or email I'd used previously. So I just decided to create a new blog. After I create said new blog, I discover that the email and password I had chosen for that blog is the same as my old blog... so now I have two. Anyway, I'll carry on with the new blog address because on the lame name scale, it only scores 8 (and this one scores closer to 11).
http://swattsky.blogspot.com/

**Update: I actually countered my dumb blondeness with some smart blondeness... I figured out how to combine the old blog with the new blog. I'm pretty proud of me, even if you're not.

let's hug it out

2007-11-09T08:44:00.000-05:00

I read this ridiculous story about a girl in Alabama who was suspended from school for hugging a friend. The school county's code of conduct cites that "inappropriate public displays of affection, included but not limited to embracing and kissing" are forbidden.

While this is absolute none-sense, I can't say I'm altogether surprised. The average American has an IQ of 72, and to be elected in any kind of influencial position there a person must have an IQ no higher than 70 (at least mild mental retardation). Ok, that's a lie (or is it?) but in a country where people sue for their coffee being too hot, I suppose it was going to come to this eventually. Remember the case where the 17 year old received consensual oral sex from a 15 year old and was charged with statuatory rape? It's absurd. It angers me. Let the frickin kids hug.

If you too want to experience an overwhelming sensation of gratitude for your Canadian citizenship, read this.

"fashion" flashback

2007-11-08T13:59:00.001-05:00

So I've generally lost interest in blogging, but I couldn't help but share with my MANY readers this lovely link (courtesy of E. Watt who, like I, enjoys making fun of pretty much everyone). Check out this blog post about the 1977 JC Penney catalogue. Guaranteed hilarity.

you can buy fashion, but you can't buy style

2007-10-25T08:07:00.000-04:00

I promise this will be my last (consecutive) post about fashion. I just wanted to end on a high note (Jennifer Connelly was certainly not a high note, although she is on the starter page of vogue.com this month - the irony is killy me). So, I thought I would link to the best street style blog/vogue feature I have ever come across - The Sartorialist.

Bonus: He's in Hong Kong right now - wooooo Asian!

seriously?!?

2007-10-25T07:54:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I'm into fashion-blogging lately. This isn't really an intentional thing, but some outfits just need to be commented on.... Actually, this isn't one of them. Jennifer Connelly's outfit doesn't need a comment. I'll just sit here and wonder how anyone (albeit someone so gorgeous) can put on a floral 80s prom dress with catwoman stiching and think "yes - I am ROCKING this!".

This would, of course, be super hot on an Asian girl.....

asian envy

2007-10-19T13:18:00.000-04:00

I am definitely not much of a fashionista - if anyone could see me as I'm writing this, in my Liz Clairborne cardigan, they would nod enthusiastically/in disgust. But even though I am not entirely fashion conscious, I would just like to give a big shout out to trendy little Asian girls everywhere - especially at Carleton, where they made me look bad every day for 4 (ok, 5) years. My sister (who might list "trendy Asian girls" as a primary interest of hers) and I brainstormed the other night about why this is. It could be how their flawless complexions offer the perfect pallet for a wide array of make-up colors, or maybe how their petite bodies can still look hot no matter how many layers of different patterns they pile on. Whatever it is, they are effortlessly cool in a way that white girls can never compete with, and maybe never even understand. I look at little Asian girls and I think "Wow, those clothes ridiculous. I wish I could look that cool." If I ever actually tried to look as cool as them, I'd probably end up looking like RuPaul, or Destiny's Child when they all wore matching sequined outfits.

So props to little Asian girls, for being cool in a way that white girls will never understand. (Case in point: how silly does tall and blonde Gwen Stefani look with her harajuku entourage?)

if I turn sideways I disappear

2007-10-10T16:11:00.000-04:00

The Olsens are actually the bigger girls in this picture. Time to go back on the old "no food" diet MK, I can only see 3 of your ribs.

And props to Amy Winehouse for making anyone and everyone look comparatively plump and healthy.

love lasteth long as the money endureth

2007-10-10T15:08:00.000-04:00

Fantastic article forwarded to me by my boss (we all work this hard).

Is this modern feminism? Sure, she comes off as a bit desperate, perhaps a little kooky (maybe all the botox that helped make her "spectacularly beautiful" seeped in a little too deep) but she's challenging societal norms but unapologetically going after what she wants. I don't think that modern feminism should necessitate that women compete with men professionally. That's not to say they shouldn't have the opportunity, but I think it is more important that women have the choice. I don't think a woman is disgracing modern women by choosing to stay at home, nor do I think she is undoing what previous feminist generations have accomplished.

And here is the hypocrisy of feminism. According to hardcore feminists (or at least the hairy-pitted beasts that I've come across), women are better than men. Therefore, we deserve equality with men. But, what? If we're better, don't we deserve better? Shouldn't we blaze our own trails, achieve and define success in a way that is not measurable only in comparison to men?

And (Emily this will really piss you off) we already DO have it better. Society accepts women in the workplace: Exceptions to this? I don't care. Try to find a male nurse who hasn't heard a sexist remark. AND society also accepts women opting to stay at home: Men? Not so much. Yes, there is an increasing number of men opting to take on daddy day care duties, but I guarantee they encounter more stigma than their female counterparts do (oh, and their wives are probably secretly lesbians).

I can't believe I got into a feminist/counter-feminist rant because of online golddigging. Frig, women do this every day (albeit more subtle and subconscious). Case in point: I love my boyfriend, and he's wonderful in every way, but there's time I think I love him just a little bit more because he's an engineer. Superficial? Maybe. Smart decision? Hells yes.

Oh, and the anonymous posted response to the ad (in the article - remember why I was blogging again?) is amazing.

do I even need to say anything?

2007-10-09T13:20:00.001-04:00

Pictures really are worth 1000 words. But, if I WAS to say something, it would have to do with taking the futuristic trend way too far and the increasing likelihood that Posh really is a robot/femme-bot.

pretty people are better than us

2007-10-04T13:34:00.000-04:00

Selita Ebanks and Nick Cannon have broken up, 5 months after getting engaged. I don't really care that they broke up - they didn't even have a catchy celebrity anagram like "Nickelita" or anything, and you can't be a celebrity couple without a proper anagram. Actually, my main concern lies with the fact that these two ever dated in the first place. What is with undeserving guys hooking/shacking up with ridiculously good looking women who are way out of their league?! Oh I know, innately, primitively, psychologically (et al) women are attracted to men in positions of power and status. While I can see this argument justifying Salma Hayek's choice, it does not apply to Nick Cannon (you likely don't know him from such classics as "Drumline" and "Garfield").

Ebanks must have finally realized she was slumming it. I'm not going to cry for her, because I know she'll do better (quickly, probably). And it's really hard to feel bad for someone that pretty. And I'm not going to cry for Cannon either - he should feel blessed he ever got to tap that (yeah, that's right, white girl said "tap that"). I hope he was smart enough to know it wasn't going to last and got it on tape - it'll make for a great career boost when we all completely forget who he is.

give the public what they want

2007-10-03T14:40:00.000-04:00

Cosmopolitan magazine recently joined forces with Venuz Breeze to break a world record - more accurately, they were setting a new world record, because I doubt there have been that many attempts at biggest bikini photo shoot previously. Anyway, they've done it with 1000 + participants.

Frankly, I expected more of Cosmo, the magazine that brings me "Shirtless Guy of the Month", "Legendary Sex Tips" and "Multiple, Simultaneous Orgasms". Cause really, WTF do I want with 1000 + scantily clad women? I'm not going to print off the pictures and post them on my wall beside Justin Timberlake. And forget the female empowerment argument, that I should be supporting and applauding the masses of women for being unhibited enough to bare (almost) all in an international magazine - the front rows were occupied by models, so like every other issue of Cosmo, this is doing nothing to improve my body image.

So Cosmo, if you hear me (and I know you don't but I like to pretend), next time you feel like conducting a over-the-top photo shoot to claim a new world record, please make it "Most Brazilian and Dutch Men in Leopard-Print Banana Hammocks slathered in Baby Oil". You readers will thank you.

deja vu

2007-10-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if this is Nicole Richie now, pregnant, or an candid shot from The Simple Life season 1... She's hardly recognizable without the clavicle, hip bones and bug-eye shades.

this is my slutty face

2007-10-03T10:39:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton - minimal cleavage, no crotch shot, no slutty bleach-blonde hair (yes, I know i have slutty bleach-blonde hair, that's beside the point)... Is Paris turning over a new page? No, she still looks like a skank-ho, doing an open-mouthed pout while writhing in her seat like she's getting penetrated (possibly by her wayward right hand - that'd be so like Paris to have an easy access hole in her thousand dollar jeans).

By the way, I actually spent about 5 minutes yesterday feeling bad for Paris after she got torn up on Letterman. But I'm so over it.

American-ized puck bunny

2007-10-03T08:27:00.000-04:00

Today I found out that even a beautiful, successful actress can be a sucker for jocks. In her blog, Alyssa Milano touches on her affinity for baseball players, the public/media interpretation of her dating choices and the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to dating.

I was a little disappointed in her defense, however. Moreover, I was disappointed that she was trying to make a defense! Why should she have to justify her romantic choices? The truly feminist stance would be to boldly state that she likes the baseball boys and doesn't give two shits if anyone approves. She could be like a real-life Samantha Jones, sexual liberated and undaunted by public opinion. You don't see Pamela Anderson defending her decision to enter her third rush marriage (with Paris Hilton's sex tape co-star, no less)...

No, instead Milano has decided that she will no longer date baseball players. That's fine, I'm not advocating jocks as the best boyfriends, but I wish she had made the decision for a reason other than media scrutiny. Just as likely, the announcement is likely a publicity stunt, cause really, what was the last thing you saw Alyssa Milano in? Feminism still scores zero.

"some people claim there's a woman to blame..."

2007-10-02T10:35:00.000-04:00

Ben Affleck is saying his romance with Jennifer Lopez was bad for his career because their relationship was such a tabloid spectacle. Obviously, "Gigli" was bad for his career, but he can't really blame that on J-Lo... "Jersey Girl" didn't help either, nor did "Daredevil" (so is that the fault of new wife Jennifer Garner, then?). Or MAYBE he was just never that good without Matt Damon anyway - dude sidekicked his way to an Oscar...

I confess, I'm a hypocrite - all my passwords used to be ben4ever and I had fansite dedicated to Ben Affleck. He was so sexy in Armageddon, my grade 8 hormones could hardly handle it.

Still, childhood-crush aside, don't blame others for your shortcomings. Especially when those others (ie. J-Lo) have their own problems. Exhibit A: She married a Mexican Frankenstein. Exhibit B: Her recent stage outfits. Exhibit C: Her own "career" problems/absence.

you saw this coming

2007-10-01T16:45:00.000-04:00

Apparently babies are the theme of the day. And while it seems suitable to end with Britney punchline, I can't even really bring myself to joke about her state of affairs. Okay, I can, but not her adorable little mistakes! Ok, I did it again... Anyway, Britney has officially lost custody of her children. I can't say I'm disappointed or surprised - although I am both disappointed and surprised that Kevin Federline is left as the lesser of two evils.

A brief recap: She's been photographed nearly dropping her kids (on more than one occassion) and driving with them on her lap. She gives them coke in their bottles. She's repeatedly showed the world the hole by which they entered the world. She's been ordered to submit random drug tests to ensure their safety.... and so on and on it goes.

No one will disagree with the decision to take away her kids (hell, Britney might not even disagree -she has yet to prove her desire to keep her kids). It was a long time coming. It is essentially the culmination of what has got to be the saddest state of celebrity in my memory (and my memory includes Lindsay, Paris, et al.) I'm really baffled how someone can go from being the most sought after, most talked about, most desired celebrity to the most ridiculed. Or maybe, that's the only way she could have gone.

As I've stated previously, I'm very sad about the state of Britney Spears. I'm going to go home, listen to "Baby One More Time" and reflect on happier days.

more freaky children

2007-10-01T11:14:00.000-04:00

While this video is pretty amazing, I squirmed uncomfortably for its entire duration.

I think it's awesome these babies have learned to "save themselves" - but what a sad state of affairs that someone deemed the best approach to preventing infant drownings is to educate the children on water safety rather than the parents!

celebrity baby angst

2007-10-01T11:06:00.000-04:00

Mommy's a deisgner and style-icon, yet Kingston has to get toted around in a hobo-chic outfit more suited to the Olsen twins. The hairstyle will undoubtedly lead to gender confusion amongst his male peers, and the girls will taunt him for mixing patterns.

There is no good reason why any child should look like this, let alone Gwen Stefani's...

posh spice boobs

2007-09-28T12:00:00.003-04:00

Hilary Duff exhibiting the most visible effect of the Beckham British Invasion.

prostitution as means to modern economy

2007-09-28T10:04:00.000-04:00

Obviously, Eastern European countries have had their share of problems, even since most have joined the EU. Hungarian government officials (business savvy geniuses that they are) have decided to issue permits to prostitutes in hopes of generating revenue from the billion dollar industry. Their aim is to "make sex work as accepted as any other job" and "have as many participants as possible".

Just what every growing economy needs to achieve a higher quality of life for all citizens. Next, Cambodia will announce the taxation of their internationally-reknowned child sex trade. Give their tourist industry an edge, you know. Money is the way forward.

Yet somehow, it all seems ok when the Dutch do it. They're just so damn cool.

Read more about legal Hungarian whores here.

better dead than flat

2007-09-28T09:32:00.000-04:00

Heidi Montag has spoken up about her boob and nose jobs (in case someone was still wondering what herbs they could take to naturally make their own boobs grow and nose shrink). Of course, it had nothing to do with her controlling demon-spawn boytoy Spencer. And if she had died on the operating table, it would've be worth it (?!).

Typically I feel that people should be able to freely pursue happiness. People alter their appearances (albeit less drastically) daily without judgment. But Heidi was a pretty girl before. If she was seeking self-improvement, she'd have done better to ditch the douchebag boyfriend and join a support group for talentless, juvenile attention-seekers. Her looks were (and are) the least of her problems.

Now obviously, had Lauren opted to plastic-ly enhance herself, I'd be all "you go girl!" cause she's just that much cooler than Heidi. But Lauren wouldn't, cause she's so prettttty.

I am so addicted to the Hills.

More (from mollygood) here (or everywhere else on the internet).

what the eff?!?

2007-09-27T15:31:00.000-04:00

A 15-year-old Russian boy has survived a 2 hour, 1300km flight from Perm to Moscow... while clinging on to the wing of the plane! Yeah, for real.

He collapsed on the tarmac when the plane landed and suffered severe forstbite. It looks like his hands will be amputated - not because of the frostbite, but because that's what they do to rebellious runaway teens in Russia.

Read more here.

Kate Middleton: notable, for now

2007-09-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

Kate Middleton (Prince William's girlfriend) will be included in the biography section of the Collins English Dictionary.

She probably felt pretty special when she heard this - until she read the small print.

"At the moment, Kate Middleton is the name on everybody's lips. If she splits up with Prince William again or doesn't marry him, we'll take her out of it." (You have to imagine that being said by an uppity British hag in an uppity tweed skirt-suit in an uppity British accent to get the full effect of how harsh that is).

I hope she didn't think she was special just for being herself.

good clean fun

2007-09-27T14:50:00.000-04:00

Play Space Invaders (and try to beat my pitiful score of 75 840). My first non-belligerent post.

I miss the old Britney

2007-09-27T13:58:00.000-04:00

I love a quality Hollywood party girl trainwreck just as much as everyone else, but after a few years of the "new" Britney (read: greasy, pudgy, sometimes bald and often underclothed) I'm finding myself longing for the "old" Britney (read: hot-pop marketing phenomenon). Now I can't even blame K-Fed for the dishevelled mess she's become.

I wish someone would help this girl get her shit together. Not for the kids - for me. I want to see her pretty, tight and 16 again.

parent of the year

2007-09-27T13:45:00.000-04:00

Dina Lohan says Lindsay will stay in rehab.

No shit. And way to imply you have any influence on your daughter's life decisions. Did anyone even ask Dina? She's about as reliable as a Ford.

Read about it here, if you must.

Paris Hilton is the new Oprah

2007-09-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

(Or not so much. )

Paris: "I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I'm going to give a bunch of them to orphanges and children's hospitals. I never wear something twice."

Do you see where that bikini has been? And you want sick kids to wear it?!

I just knew she would stay true to her post-prison promise to give back. I KNEW IT.

Poor kids - the scabies Paris has left on those clothes will leave them worse off than they already are.

In other news, Paris is planning on going to Africa to bring attention to the "children's issues" there. (Suuure she is.)

isn't being pretty enough?

2007-09-27T12:57:00.000-04:00

So everyone now knows that Tom Brady long ago left pregnant girlfriend Bridget Moynahan for supermodel Giselle (boys extend high-fives, girlfriends plan Brazilian-supermodel-avoidance techniques). Of course, this was at no fault of Tom's - temptation comes in no purer form and boys can't think with their heads. By this logic, Giselle is a slutbag. Newer developments claim that Giselle sent presents to Bridget in the form of baby cloths to "make peace"/rub-it-in. Upgraded to heartless slutbag.

Reports of a infant-sized "supermodel" onesie are undoubtled fabricated, but awesome.

Admittedly, I was not previously a big Bridget Moynahan fan (although I was vaguely aware of her existence). But I imagine that the entire Team Aniston crew may now jump onto her bandwagon, equally eager to curse and belittle superbitch Giselle just as we did homewrecker Angelina.

my lies are just as good as yours

2007-09-27T12:50:00.000-04:00

I've decided to enter the exciting world of blogging - not because my opinions and thoughts are of any value to anyone but myself, but because I don't have enough to do at work. Plus, it gives me an outlet to unleash my quick-wit and rage on a non-existent audience (hence alleviating my boyfriend of his fake-interest duties).

We'll see how long this lasts.