"think of bicycles as rideable art that can just about save the world"

I have undoubtedly been a contributor to the current environmental crisis that the world is facing. I could count the number of times I’ve used OC Transpo on one hand and I’ve been guilty of driving just down the block to run trivial errands. But I’ve seen the error of my ways and am trying my best to make small yet significant changes in my lifestyle for the sake of the environment.

I’m being more conscious of my energy use, turning off lights and electronics when I am not using them. I’m reusing paper for notes before I recycle it. I’m hanging more of my clothes to dry, instead of putting them in the dryer (this is also because I’m too cheap to pay the coin-operated machines).

The most significant change that I’ve made is busing or biking to and from work. Due to my experience with both modes of transportation, I’ve only biked or bused from work so far – I haven’t yet mastered the timing enough to be confident I’ll arrive to work on time and sweat-free. But I’ve been carpooling (with my bike), so that’s still an improvement.

As much as I wish more people would bike or bus to work, I know that these modes of transit just will not work for everyone. And as much as I hope that everyone will feel passionate about changing our high-consumption lifestyles and lessening our dependency on oil and gas, I know that it’s an unreasonable expectation. (I also wish people would stop being fat, but that doesn’t seem to be happening either…)

I’m not a strong biker, and my legs burn a bit, but I’ve been enjoying the rides thus far. It only takes me between 30 – 40 minutes. Really, it’s saving time, because I don’t have to go for a run when I get home (after sitting in rush hour traffic for an hour). My plea is not that we all hop on our bikes; rather, I simply ask that you not run over those who are making an environmentally responsible decision by biking to and from work. Everyday I face the dilemma at Colonel By – bike path or road. I inevitably stay on the road – large groups of pedestrians and dogs on leashes make the bike path seem really treacherous. But cars are completely oblivious to the presence of bikers on the road! They hug the curb so I can’t get by when they’re stopped in traffic, or they swerve while they play with their Crackberries…

You know, I’ve heard the pleas from bikers before and was entirely unsympathetic to their cause. I know bikers can be a pain in the ass – we switch from sidewalk to road, cut in front when cars are parked on the side of the road, etc. But now I realize that bikers’ annoyances result from their having no place to ride, the annoyances are their accommodations for the poor road conditions that exist for them.

Basically, to sum up my frustrations, please look out for bikers on the road. They just want to save some gas money, do their part to save the world, and not get as fat as you fatties in your cars.

No more sex with Sue

Sue Johansson’s (aka Sex with Sue) “Talk Sex” television show is ending after 6 years. The only reason that this is news to me is because I was completely unaware that she was still on tv. I didn’t even know she was still alive. It really is amazing that, at age 77, she was still taking calls and giving out sex tips. God help the people who stayed up until 1 am to call a 77 year old lady for sex advice. Actually, God wouldn’t be the best one to help those people… Still, how qualified was Sue to still be doling out advice anyway, assuming that she hasn’t gotten much in at least 30 years. The other option is that she has been having sex in the past 30 years, with a heavy dose of anti-arthritic medication and Viagra for her counterpart. That option is even more frightening.

I actually saw Sue speak at my university in first year. The visual provided by a 70 something lady holding a dildo likely stopped the spread of many STDs by scaring people into abstinence.

Dina Lohan does T-Rex impression

Is anyone still wondering how Lindsay Lohan ended up being such a mess? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and when that tree is an attention-seeking, child-pimping idiot like Dina, things are not looking good. I should really add a caution to this picture of Dino because it will haunt you in your dreams. (It was taken at a recent event where she received a parenting award - "Long Island Top Mom". Slim pickings in New York. )


Not that LiLo is much of a looker now-a-days; she's either been tanning too much or she has leprosy. (You can criticize me and say "You wouldn't look very good in your jail mug shot either!" but I don't have a jail mug shot. So there.)

I can't support the resurrection of shoulder pads

Ever notice how the mannequins in the stores always look so damn good in the clothes? For example, I go into GAP yesterday, see (what appears to be) an awesome sweater on a mannequin. Then I put this sweater on and it looks like crap. It’s not an awesome sweater, it’s not even a “just okay” sweater… But the mannequin works it.

Anyway, the point of this is, mannequins seldom look bad. So why and how did Victoria Beckham (who is obviously an automated, somewhat life-like mannequin/robot, probably designed by the Japanese) manage to look like a newlywed Morticia Addams this week? I’m all for vintage, but only when it’s like 1950’s Audrey Hepburn-ish vintage. Not 1989 “vintage”. Less than 20 years is not vintage – it’s just an old dress! At least she didn’t smile for the cameras – I get all freaked out when I see robots smile. They have yet to master the display of humanistic emotions.

I wish all Chinese things were as good as their food

China is hosting the Olympics this summer. In honour of this momentous event for their country, I’m going to discuss Reason # 307 (or something… I lost count after the first 200 reasons) why China should not be hosting the Olympics – or at least why all self-respecting countries should not attend. I know, I know, athletes have been training their entire lives for this moment, a moment where they can compete against other well-funded and well-supported athletes in significant events. Like discus, and ballroom dancing. And that gymnastics where they twist the string around. That is clearly more important than countries of significant international influence pressuring China to bring basic human rights to Tibetans by abstaining from what China hopes to be their coming-out party.

Right, so back to Reason # 307: Hand-foot-mouth disease - aka the SARS of 2008. Ok, not really. But the Chinese have shown a blatant disregard for human health, or even human life, by trying to keep the whole outbreak under wraps. Why would they try to cover up the presence of a virus that has infected almost 16,000 people and killed 28 children? They don’t want the rest of the world to be afraid of coming to China for the Olympics. Because if people go to China, and DIE from hand-foot-mouth disease, that won’t at all hinder their ability to enjoy the festivities. Oh, and apparently, little Chinese meteorologists are going to shoot rockets into clouds to try to prevent rain from falling on the opening ceremonies. Yup, rockets in clouds. Just more examples of the Chinese having their priorities all effed up. (Millions of hungry, impoverished people to feed? Forget them; we’re going to fund a full-time national curling team.)

Due to popular demand from my only fan...

... I have decided to resurrect my blog. Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out how to get into my old blog account (http://nortaw.blogspot.com) so I’ve decided to (read: had to) start a new one. And the new address shouldn’t be as difficult to remember as a 6-letter acronym. I now strongly believe that acronyms shouldn’t exceed 3 letters unless they spell an actual word.

So happy birthday lone fan! I hope the fruits of my boredom will serve to alleviate yours.

And I’m not trying to be cool by adding the “-sky” to my name; “swatt” wasn’t available. Ok, I’m just trying to be cool. You can judge me.

s-m-r-t blonde moment

So I was going to resurrect my blog (this blog), and couldn't figure out what password or email I'd used previously. So I just decided to create a new blog. After I create said new blog, I discover that the email and password I had chosen for that blog is the same as my old blog... so now I have two. Anyway, I'll carry on with the new blog address because on the lame name scale, it only scores 8 (and this one scores closer to 11).
http://swattsky.blogspot.com/

**Update: I actually countered my dumb blondeness with some smart blondeness... I figured out how to combine the old blog with the new blog. I'm pretty proud of me, even if you're not.